Monthly Archives: August 2018

It’s about the Journey

I remember the days following my diagnosis as if they were yesterday. I was told I might not have very many more days here on earth, so I decided I better enjoy and make the most of the days I had. And, even though my initial prognosis was only four months, I somehow decided from the very beginning that I was going to try to bring hope to others with this disease.

Don’t let the diagnosis steal your joy

When my mom, husband and I showed up for my first chemo treatment, I wore a t-shirt that said, “It’s about the journey” and that’s the attitude I have tried to adopt. I asked my husband to video my first chemo treatment. I wanted to post it online to document the fact that a dire cancer diagnosis doesn’t have to be scary, doesn’t have to steal your joy.

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My Friend or Loved One Has Cancer. What Can I Do to Help?

Not so long ago, the question about what a friend could do for a loved one who had been diagnosed with cancer came up on a forum where I participate. I thought some of the responses from patients might help those who want to do something, but don’t have any ideas as to what to do.

A Bag Full of Goodies

When I was first diagnosed, my officemates took up a collection and bought a big bag that they filled up. They included beeswax lip balm, ginger candy (great for nausea), tissues, water, a small blanket, a journal and pen, a word search puzzle book, fuzzy socks, lotion, hand sanitizer and more. Additionally, they gave me a couple of pairs of comfortable lounging pajamas that I could wear when I got my treatments.

I still use the bag when I go out of town and often when I go for my treatments. I never use it that I do not think of my friends and feel grateful for them.

Another person posted that her sister gave her a diaper bag filled with many of the same kinds of things. Using a diaper bag is a great idea – they are usually pretty light-weight, have lots of nooks and crannies, can often be washed, and are roomy.

Gas Cards, Parking Passes, Restaurant Gift Cards

Cancer treatments often zap a person’s finances. It is sometimes difficult to afford the gasoline just to get to life-saving treatments. Several people on the forum mentioned how much they appreciated getting gas cards.

Similarly, many hospitals and clinics are located where you have to pay to park. At my facility, you have to use valet parking. It is $5 plus tip every time you go. If treatments are frequent, this adds up in a hurry. Giving the gift of parking passes is a huge relief for over-burdened pocketbooks.

Thinking about cooking after being in treatment all day is the last thing most cancer patients want to do. Having a gift card to a local restaurant would be a lovely way to end a long day.

Never Underestimate the Value of a Card or Phone Call

Unfortunately, cancer is often a lonely disease. Too often, it seems like people think it is contagious or something. So, just when you need it most, your support falls by the wayside. I think part of it is “out of sight out of mind” more than an overt action by friends and acquaintances but the result is the same.

It is uplifting to get an unexpected “I’m Thinking of You” card in the mail. Even better is a brief phone call, just to check in. If you’re like me and not much of a telephoner, a text message is also a way to get in touch. The point is not so much the vehicle used as it is to let your friend know you haven’t forgotten them.

When I was first diagnosed with cancer and was suffering from the terrible fatigue that accompanies many chemo treatments, I began sitting in my backyard photographing birds. I would then post the pictures on Facebook. One day, I received an unexpected package. A friend had sent me a bird identification book. It was such a thoughtful gift and meant the world to me.

Other Ideas

I will end with a list of more ideas that might be just perfect to show your friend or loved one how much you care:

  • Give a ride to treatment, the grocery store, or the park.
  • Bring over a meal. Even if the patient is too sick to eat, the family still needs nourishment.
  • A soft hat for those who have lost their hair may be appreciated.
  • A cozy blanket will surround the patient with love and warmth.
  • If they have a port, a port pillow can be a lifesaver.
  • Clean their house or mow their yard or do their laundry. These chores don’t go away just because someone has cancer.

What kinds of things have you gotten that meant the world to you? Sometimes, the smallest things, given from the heart, mean the most.

 

 

Deciding on Radiation Treatments

“Your tumor is growing. I am sorry, but I am pulling you out of your clinical trial,” my oncologist said. And, with that, my world came crashing down all around me.

I was in the trial for four years. I loved it. I felt comfortable in the trial. I didn’t want to leave it. But, it wasn’t my decision. And, honestly, it made no sense to remain in it if at least one tumor was no longer responding to the treatment.

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I had to retire. Now what do I do?

Way too many of us find that we can no longer continue to work at an 8-5 job after we are diagnosed with cancer. Besides the challenges of having to miss work all of the time to go to doctor’s appointments and to have regular scans and infusions, many of us simply no longer feel good enough to be able to go to work every day.

Retirement setbacks

For me, deciding to quit working was difficult. I didn’t have quite enough time in to receive my full social security benefits and I didn’t have quite enough time in to get my full teacher retirement benefits either. So, when I quit working, our income took a major hit.

No money meant a real lifestyle change. I know I am not the only person who has faced this particular challenge.

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